Baba is furious at me

Posted By Author on September 28, 2011

From 25/9/69 to 1/10/69 I could not write diary but there is a note that letter from Ramen and Salil came and that Baba was closed and now he came out.

7/9/1969:

Left for Bombay and returned by Air Via Nagpur on 9/10/69.

4/10/1969:

I repaid Shaulmari Ashram Bonds’ from my pocket.  Rs. 175 to Dhoke, 250 to Raman Dhablia, 100 to Mukund Dange, 500 to Prabhu, 500 to Khardenavis and 1000 to father.

1/11/1969:

Left for Nepal and on way back on 17/11/69 called upon Ramen and Salil at Calcutta.  Both were not at home.  However Mrs. Ramen Roy told that Baba was angry with them and sent a letter through Shibnath.  I could not prolong my stay. I left for home.

28/11/1969:

I received Baba’s very caustic letter in sarcastic language dictated under the name of Shibnath Bose probably from Deoghar.

‘Om’

Date 28.11.69

My Dear Sureshji

I have received your letter 15.11.69. Trust you are physically progressing well in your convalescent period.

You have written to me that He has been ‘terribly upset’ with you. Will you please try to realise that even this expression ‘terribly upset’ is not sufficient to show that your long association with him has been a futility. Otherwise you would have paused many a time before using such an expression about Him. In your letter you have written of “abuses showered” upon you by Him. May I know in spite of your high academic qualification you are wretchedly ignorant about the connotation of the term “abuse”? In spite of your glittering degrees are you quite a dullard not to distinguish between the terms “rebukes” and “abuses”? Don’t you know any man who indulges in abusing is a despicable person and will you be pleased to feel ashamed about using such a mean and vulgar term?

In addition to your hundreds of stupid vulgarities perpetrated time out of number, your many letters to Rameshji and Ramen are full of similar and more reprehensible expressions. Your many stupidities so long have been, seriously taken by Him. Even the most heinous crime you have committed by your mean and vulgar attitude about the advent of Chinudi has too long been deliberately overlooked by Him as an outcome of a stupidly ignorant mind so small to understand anything noble and high. But the worst of this is that in your vulgarest frivolity you have used stupidly frivolous expressions about it to many of us and many of us bear witness to that. We may rightly assume you are too small and too stupid even to intellectually understand the higher things in motion. Volumes may be written about your frivolous stupidities.

You have written to Rameshji that you have made all arrangement for stay of Dada at Paratwada for six months but they suddenly decided to go to Ashram. Well, Sureshji, can there be a blacker hypocrisy and viler falsehood than what is involved in the above-mentioned expression on your part? And you are a fool to suppose that your sending Dada and all to Calcutta in Air Conditioned Delux would succeed in serving as a cover to Him for your heinous hypocrisy. Whereas in reality you did not even care to consult Dada in making the reservation of the railway seats and meanly tried your best to get rid of them. You shamelessly threw all blame on Dada’s head by mischievously writing to Rameshji these brazen falsehoods. We know you are too immoral in your speech and behaviour yet it was unimaginable for us that you could be so shameless in becoming so brazenly immoral. In your very nerves hypocrisy, trickery, falsehood and vulgarity work and you live in a fool’s paradise by supposing that nobody understands your stupid frivolities. Even a dull person will not miss to understand the hypocrisy and immorality you have perpetrated. Like all fools you regard yourself to be very good while really you are quite incapable of what goodness really is.

It is only to give you chance that He went to Melghat with all. You have no ability to do anything better. Only money you can spend for Him and if you could have done it with sincerity and genuine reverence, the door for your inner progress might have been opened. If you had the manhood to suffer gracefully and reverentially for the money you procured for the Ashram then this graceful suffering would have cleared the first spiritual obstacle from your life. But when you proved yourself a mean simpleton in this regard the expectation naturally has been too much. It is for better not to do anything than to do it with repeated grumbling.

Baba does not require monetary assistance from too petty creatures like you and me and you have shown yourself too stupidly and too mean to understand His silent ways of doing and deciding any thing without being vociferous about the highest motive pulsating in it. Otherwise, you could not have used reprehensible in your letters to Rameshji and Ramen. You have proved yourself too wretchedly incorrigible and the shower of rebukes – not abuses – as you have in your stupid and vulgar ignorance described is consequence of your stark and mean stupidity.

Rameshji was to start for Melghat from Tanakpur on 26th May with more than rupees five thousand for making all arrangements for Dada’s stay at Chikhaldara but my letter to Rameshji informing him about Dada’s coming to Calcutta, which he could not place before Him before 24th May put an end to his going there and if you had in your too shallow frivolity not wired to Him assuring Him not to worry as long as you are alive, in spite of his severe illness Rameshji would have gone earlier with money. And really it was to certain extent done either to expose your hypocritical assertion informing Baba not to worry as long as you were alive or to allow you to have another chance for making due amends of your hypocrisy by judiciously turning it into a reality. You may very well note if you move on branches of a tree He in relation to your movement moves on every leaf of it. Here your trickery will never remain unrevealed even though He might not be vociferous about it. Fie upon you that this is how He is not to worry as long as you are alive!!

Many a time you stabbed the cause of the Ashram in the back from the back and we presume your moral sense is too weak and your sensible memory is too dull even to remember the crimes you have committed.

With pain we observe you are a loose-tongued idiot of meanest vulgarity, too vulgar for decent association and too meanly ungrateful to recognise constant labour done for you. And your speaking of yourself as a disciple of Him is another example of vulgarest hypocrisy.

Our mental relationship has been through Him but when you are so meanly stupid as to write about Him as “showering abuses” on you the relationship has got completely struck down and here it ends.

Trust this letter will find you rapidly progressing. Good night then with expectation you will not trouble me with any more letter.

With love and doubtful regards,

Faithfully yours

Shib Nath Bose

Use of certain words is routine like ‘of course’, ‘in as much as’, ‘ Then and then alone ’, ‘divine’, ‘stupidity’, ‘conscious’, ‘hypocrisy’ etc. It needs no efforts to find out whose language is in the letter. I was party to it when he would dictate correspondence of the Ashram under different names. I know those who sign letter have least capacity to write in such elegant language with profuse vocabulary least to say understand it.

The above letter shows his outburst of fury on me. The fact is that the temperature in Melghat was soaring to 45 degrees centigrade. Danger of forest fire and wild animals was a constant worry. Ramani Ranjan Das knew all the proposals but out of timidity and fear he told Baba that he knew not anything. Haribandhu was yearning to go home to help his starving family. Gita was reluctant to stay. She almost escaped for home at Amarkantak but on my promise to see that she would go to mother she agreed to accompany us to Melghat. Now she was four to five month pregnant and she was restless to go under the wings of her mother. She was persistently insisting on me to arrange to send her home. I told her that I booked Missionary’s bungalow named Craig Moor on the upper plateau of Chikaldara for three month. Baba rejected the place for want of flowing water. Dada refused to stay at Paratwada. I was helpless. Imagine I was married a couple of weeks ago and went to see Baba to pay our obeisance and then circumstances trapped me in the most embarrassing situation. Baba’s word was to make arrangement for twenty-five days and I pulled on for seven months. The burden of previous loan taken for Ashram was already there. The promise of refund was never realised. The loan being on my personal prestige I had to return through no matter how. Baba’s expenses were always lavish. My parents and brother were against me in this ‘Sadhu’ business. Can any one imagine how I pulled on the show in my meager salary of Rs.388 per month? Added debt soared sky high. I was getting thick skinned. I was very sure the moment I could have rushed to him; he would be calmed down and compel me to dine in his inner kitchen with preparation made by him. However, I needed respite and hence I neglected such letters. Hereafter I grabbed the opportunity of strained relation and decided to retaliate and expose the historic truth that he was Subhash Chandra Bose. One thing must be noted, nearer a person was to Baba more punishment and rebuke he would get. It was his nature to blame others for not being able to come out. The highest rebuke or punishment received were Krishnakant Pandey, Radhakant Pandey who devoted life for him since 1949, Ramkrishnaji Potdar, Superintendent Engineer of Lucknow, Ramprasad Merhotra of Lucknow, Uttamchand Malhotra, and last but not the least myself. Like Netaji’s love and hate relationship with Gandhiji and Nehru, we too experienced the same. I knew the art of pacifying Baba and hence I was not worried but worried was about tender and frail Gita. The word simpleton used in the above letter means fool or foolish. However, I came across this word in many standard newspapers and magazines use to denote simplicity. After meeting Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi in his house while coming out I used this word for him in my expression and Pratibha Patil opened my eyes and cleared wrong notion about meaning of ‘simpleton’. She is now President of India.

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