Baba wrote me a letter

Posted By Author on August 20, 2011

10/3/1868:

In the evening received His Holiness Saradanandaji of Shaulmari Ashram’s letter written in his own hand from Shaijada in Punjab.

The letter was written in pencil in small letters in English.  It was of five full-scape pages.  I was rebuked for my past follies.  It was trifle for me and did not get panicky as before.  I was very glad to receive this memorable letter, which was my unique historic possession. The original letter is given in photographic section. However it will be worth noting the contents of this letter as given below: The letter written in pencil in his own normal hand is worth billion dollars.

“Om ”

“ Again I feel it necessary to write you another letter to warn you to guard yourself possibly perverted reactions and make clearer some matters which your underdeveloped brain and malfunctioning heart if left to themselves have little chance of understanding. And this is going to be my last letter of this series. (I never received earlier letter of the series. They are with Intelligence Department.)

Just in a passive mood with sufficiently penetrating courage to be adequately retrospective and introspective, ask yourself how you indulged in that utterly stupid guesswork more stupidly communicated to myself and with the worst stupidity communicated to Gita. Basically it is in the depth of your mal-functioning heart and brain, quite incapable of feeling and understanding how and why I do or undo in a certain way and how and why I behave in a certain manner and with that incapability to impute all sorts of stupid meaning without caring at all to realize that things here are far, far beyond the ken and grasp of your little brain and heart that this stupid guess-work has been machinated and manufactured with materials provided by the grumblings flowing from the idiotic way of understanding (?) things here to a certain extent through the referring of all these to the process of your pervertedly working feeling and intellect. Repeatedly you all were warned not to indulge in the temerity of interpreting things far beyond the range of your intellect without striving to get Light from proper quarters. But it seems clear, all these warnings have fallen into deaf ears and the root cause of all these is the dearth of real ‘Nishta’ (Faith) and utter poverty of the ability of placing data and quesita in their proper places and sequence and imports. Unimaginable is the immensity of the crime you have committed!! You have proved yourself quite unworthy of close interchange, otherwise I might have told you how I am in a Divine Vow not to reveal my ‘Purbashram’ (earlier life), identity and place of birth somewhere in the region now known as East Pakistan and to the fulfilment of the work underlying the vow, how the communalism of you and most of the Hindus and Muslims with their hypocritical profession of being non-communal is the most obstinate stumbling block and how to His vow is added the external necessity that if at this juncture I reveal the exact place of my birth, a very huge displaced multitude from there may rush to me for being rehabilitated which until the economic condition tremendously improves I shall not be able to manage.

You are proud of having a very good heart then is pouring salt into a gaping wound an indication of having the same? And you did so in the matter of Gobind’s failure, described in the second letter of the series and on many other occasions. When day in and day out I, bound by the Divine conditions of mass work, have been writhing in intense pain about this nonfulfilment of words due to indescribable and quite unexpected stupidity of all of you, recurring times out of numbers, only original satanic heart will not lose any occasion to remind me of it. Yes, from atop the lofty tree of real goodness, all grasses – one inch or a few inches or feet look equal in smallness.

Gita has told me nothing and I asked her nothing about you. Yet I know, you were many times pervertedly vocal to her with your grumblings against me – grumblings that were the outcome of an uncultured, ununderstanding brain and malfunctioning heart moored to the morbidity of crudeness. You should have had at least a sense of propriety.

One day at Gangtoli I rebuked you all for spending so much on vegetables at that time of grave economic difficulty. Haribandhu in his perverted impulsiveness told you something and you rushed to me to tell me that vegetables were being brought for inside, i.e., myself. Have you not the heart and the brain to realize that it was for this very reason that you all were rebuked? If the vegetables were meant for you all, I would not have sternly rebuked you all but would have mildly told you all to manage the affairs with sufferings at that time of difficulty. What cussedness indeed!! I wonder with that sort of observation why you had not left me then and there? What on earth you would do with that poor understanding from one from whom you expect guidance?

Reading your own smallness in me is a dangerous disease from which you morbidly suffer. Of course, let me site one example. One day in Gangtoli newspaper had not come. It was an incidental co-incidence that that evening I called you and talked to you on various topics for hours together. And you in your own foolish all-knowing way thought and felt inwardly without any apparent expression, as that day there was no newspaper, I was talking and talking to you to while away some time. Am I a slave to newspaper and to gossiping that impulsively I cannot do without them? And if you so suppose – and definitely you took it as such if not in so many words – then you should have that very day left me alone with my slavishness in as much as a man who is so slavish to a habit is unworthy of being followed. When even after long association you do not feel and perceive that this man does not talk for talking sake, does never speak without a real purpose, and when you are so perverted to give a stupid meaning to such things, it must be said, you are quite unworthy of the close association you have thus far got.

You have in common with all men of ignorance a nasty habit of taking to falsehood in order to cover a mistake or a blunder whenever showed or perceived. And when a person responds to this while in impulse in small matters, apparently of no or little importance he cannot be morally trusted in as much as if it suits his feeling he will not feel the compunction in taking to falsehood and deception in any matter.

Smallness in itself is not disappointing. It is the refusal to identify and realize one’s own smallness which realization is really the start of greatness and the consequent refusal to expand in purity that is disappointing indeed.

Here this chapter of association ends. Mother alone knows whether there will be a new chapter or not. Love and blessings, if you feel, you have any need of these.

Saradananda

P.S.: Of the hundreds, the examples chosen here in the series of these letters are each typical of a particular debasing force operating in you. Smallness lies in subjective inflation – and – elation, whereas greatness flourishes in subjective expansion and objective understanding.

It is smallness that you are over sensitive to whatever little goodness you have but are made mostly blind by unconscious fixations and morbidities to the debasing forces in operation in you or at best are perversely inert to their machinations. It is only when you realize the existence of both active and dormant smallness in you that there can be any expectation of real greatness starting to dawn upon you.

If the vow undertaken by the Ashram members not to indulge in falsehood before me is even observed with a perpetual limitation to the form always stagnating in that cloistered shell, the vow will belie its own purpose. Really it is meant to be a start and foothold for development of the ability of the observation of total and integral truthfulness from which alone real strength and ability for real work emanate. Without this widest motive and prospective even limited observation of the aforesaid vow in its bare form will remain an almost futile stagnation if not a total futility.

To the perversed processes described in the beginning of the letter by which you arrived at your stupid guess-work is added another stupid assumption of yours, generalized in a more stupid manner that it is some sort of shock that arouses ‘Vairagya’ (Renunciation) in man. Blinded by little knowledge which is a dangerous thing and less ability to feel the higher things in motion, you do not know that integral ‘Vairagya’ which really means withdrawal from the worldly forces of ignorance with an all covering thirst for getting at Supreme Love, Supreme Knowledge and Strength is really innate and spontaneous and is not caused by this or that shock. Of course, in a great many cases some sort of shock aroused ‘Vairagya’ leading ultimately to great spiritual achievements. But those cases, how so much glaring these may be to the men of the world to make their mouth agape with vulgar wonder, are not of first-degree-importance in the Cosmic Spiritual growth. A Shankar, a Nanak, a Buddha, a Christ, a Ramkrishna-Vivekananda are not the products of shock. “

Note: I have added meaning of words in brackets. His thinking process and writing was very fast. A slip of pen is natural. In original handwriting he spelt ‘agap’ which I have corrected as ‘agape’ and he wrote ‘imanate’ which I have corrected as emanate. However lethologica was unknown to him. I did not find the word quesita in dictionary. (Lethologica is a new word. It means the state of not being able to remember the word you want.)

Will the Central Intelligence Department return my letters from the series?

13/3/1968:

Sent typed letters to Salil, Shibnath, Shomu and Rajat, the members and friends from the Ashram.

19/3/1968:

Purchased things for children and sent the parcel in the name of Dinbandhu’s daughter Shobha Dutt at Shaulmari Ashram.  Repaid debt of Suresh Sikchi taken for Ashram.

24/3/1968. Decided to take father to Bombay for medical check up and after return to go to Calcutta or Punjab on first April, as the summer vacation would begin.

5/4/1968:

Uncle Chande was Deputy Superintendent of Police.  He called me for dinner at Dak Bungalow and discussed my view about Netaji.  I told him that he was surviving.  He did not believe.  When back home I felt I did a mistake in revealing the truth to uncle Chande. He was in father’s hockey team and always stayed with us when on tour.

23/4/1968″

I attended a meeting at Municipality.  The stalwarts of the town Bapusaheb Bhondu, Krishnarao Nawathe, Balasaheb Marathey and R.S. Gawai respectively of Jansangh, Congress, Forward Block and Republican Party of India proposed to collect Rupees fifty thousand to erect a bronze statue of Netaji at Cotton Market Square.  When questioned they even knew not Netaji’s height.  I proposed to collect all possible literature on Netaji.  They agreed.  Krishnarao Navathe was elected member of the Legislative Assembly from Amravati town and very close to our family.  He told that Shaulmari Baba had stayed in his garden out of the town in 1957 and that he took him for lunch to Ratanlal Verma the owner of famous catering center Godugdha Sagar.

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