Back in camp

Posted By Author on December 4, 2010

29/1/1967:

In wee hours taxi left. I was told that the driver was asking for me.  I arranged to give him baksheesh.  After my bath I was called.  Baba was sitting outside.  He told me to read out the note dictated in Hindi for Radhakant.  Its import was Radhakant did not give his habit of bluffing. He told that the taxi was brand new car.  In reality it was 1962 model.  Then he told me to write down:

“Man speaks and behaves mostly from the subconscious and the unconscious.  For a person passing through the first stage of inner development there is no direct road to these domains.  Then it is by analyzing your own mode of speaking and behaviour that you have to find out or at least try to find out what lies there in the subconscious and the unconscious and for this purpose a constant self observation is what is needed.  This self observation must be so all-covering and so penetrating that no movement of ears inner or outer should escape the scrutinizing notice of your observational self.  This is the only indirect way by which some understanding of the dirty things pulsating in the unconscious and subconscious without your being at all conscious about it may dawn upon you.  Now one initial difficulty of the aspirant will have to be worked out. Each behaviour has a meaning and your own inner self knows what it means.  By continuous pressure upon yourself you have to pull out from within but after some endeavour on your part when your inner self sends out suggestion about its meaning to your external self, your external self at once may resent it highly and may find out many devices to silence the true voice of your inner self.  This misleading difficulty will have to be overcome by courage, patience, discernment, the courage to recognize the unconscious and the subconscious as the store of darker things, the patience to vehemently persist in exerting necessary pressure upon the inner self to give out the meaning, and the discernment to undo the distorting mischief wrought out by the intervening planes.”

We had a brief discussion on the above thought.  Chandrashekhar requested Baba that I should be sent with him otherwise my mother would worry too much.  Baba told him, “Explain her and make her understand that her son is not going to become a ‘sadhu’.   Assure her not to worry about Suresh at all. You read out the following Sanskrit verse to her:

The English rendering is as below:

Kulam pavitram jananee krutarthah Vasundhara punyavatee cha tena |

Apar saschit sukhasagaresmin nilangpare cheto yasya ||

Meaning: One whose mind is completely immersed abiding God (Brahman) sanctifies his clan, makes his mother achieve the universal godhead, the touch of his feet consecrate the earth.

After gossip on other topics he left for his lunch.  We too did the same.

In the noon again he made us sit near him.  We talked and discussed a lot on various matters.  Then at 4 P.M. he took me alone inside and both of us sat in the courtyard.  He verified that no one was inside.  Then we two were alone and I could guess something important and confidential he wanted to talk.  Baba then said, “Look here Suresh.  I strained and thought over a lot.  You must go now to mother.  Afterwards you extend the leave and come back when you receive my telegram.  It will read ‘Come immediately’.  It will reach you near or about this Full Moon, i.e., 26/2/1967.  If there is anybody seriously ill in the family then alone you will stay otherwise you must start the moment you get the telegram.  Be then sure that I have started the base work.  An arrangement of one crore and twenty-five lakh rupees is made.  To make this arrangement is a Himalayan task.  Once it is done next hundred crores would come easily. (Ten million = One crore)

Suresh, you must not hurt her feelings and sentiments.  If she has selected a girl and if you approve the girl say yes.  Do not wait for my permission.  If you send a photograph of the girl for my permission your mother will be hurt.  She will feel she has no value.”

This discussion in camera was suffix to our earlier discussion on my marriage.  He proposed that I should start ‘Vrat’ (a steadfast resolution) from ‘Buddha Paurnima’, i.e. next full Moon named after lord Buddha in the almanac. The process would continue for one year and during that time there would be strict restrictions on food and drink.  I was not supposed to marry during that period which would have begun from April 1867.

I flatly refused his proposal on the grounds that I already postponed my marriage by one year to honour his will and wish.  I did not want to hurt my parents any more.  Moreover the vexing problem of late age was there.  I was already running thirty-two years.

Baba allured, “If you postpone your marriage for one more year, I have in my mind three girls whom I have seen during my sojourn.  They are brilliant, educated and very beautiful. I wish you should marry one of them.”  When I asked him as to which province they belonged he said, “One of them is Maharashtrian.”  Baba then enquired about surnames of Brahmins, Kshatriyas and Vaishyas in Maharashtra.  He was thinking that if I fail to get an adaptable, intelligent, healthy and beautiful partner my future life would be miserable. He enquired whether sir name Pandit is amongst Brahmins. I said yes. He said, “I dined at the house of Pandit at Jabalpur. I have selected his daughter for you.” I queried as to when did he see the girl. He explained that it was during his Bhraman he was coming from Tripuri to Nagpur in 1957. That time he saw the girl. I said, “Baba, this is 1967 and by this time that beautiful girl must be a mother of couple of children.” Baba roared in laughter. After regaining calm he said he behaved like Sir Isaac Newton and questioned me, “ Suresh do you know Newton’s story of cat and kittens?” I expressed my ignorance. He then narrated, “ There was a cat that would come and sleep in Newton’s room. At night he would close the door. Therefore he made a hole in the door so that cat could go out and come in any time. After some days she gave birth to three kittens. Newton made additional three small holes to the door for kittens not realising that kittens could go through big hole made for the cat.”

I then made my thoughts explicit that mother was one reason and moreover I had to chalk out my future too.  I told him that one thought was inclined to remain bachelor and sacrifice life for social work.  Another thought lurks in that after witnessing the mishaps and frustration of bachelors it would be better to get married and lead a normal life.

Baba said, “ True you are. My mother also knew that this son will not live at home but mother’s maya i.e. love and affection is infinite. You cannot understand or imagine it. In future if some mishap takes place your mind will brood throughout life that you hurt mother.”

Coming to the courtyard, in discussion Baba finally told, “When you reach home wait for my telegram. Daily sit in your room and ruminate over the following:

“ If your own Supreme Evolution and your serving the suffering humanity at large demand utmost sacrifice internal and external, then you, my mind, are you ready for that?  In other words whether your own Supreme Evolution to serve the humanity are the only objectives in your life or not, you have to find out.  Note if even real aspiration for the service to humanity is coloured with more or less hankering for name and fame then in your aspiration there is no real reality.  If, of course, the elements of name and fame are functioning in the mind are rejected by your superior self and with that rejection you genuinely and sincerely endeavour to eliminate these from the core of your being then practically your aspiration is pure and genuine.  I say practically because in spite of your

otherwise genuine aspiration it is not unnatural and improbable that in some weak moment you may respond, at least emotionally to their calls.  This sort of occasional failure will not matter much if the totality of your time and energy are basically willfully directed towards rejecting and eliminating them.  Overnight one cannot become perfect master in his own house. It requires time.”

We then had some talk of domestic nature.  Both of us came out.  Chamoli and Parashar had come.  Baba talked with them and they left.  We two continued to discuss.  It was total darkness.  I inquisitively asked Baba as to what were cosmic consciousness, cosmic vitalness, cosmic gross vitalness, and physical or earthly consciousness?  Baba was taciturn and assured that he would explain it in future.  Then he changed his mind and told, “Man requires thinking and it comes from intellect, i.e., brain that is consciousness.  Sometimes man gets a sudden shock of frightening and his heart inadvertently and impulsively quivers and contracts that is vital consciousness. Somebody pricks a pin and you get bodily pain that is physical consciouness.  Similar is the case of cosmic creation. ”   He further explained all the planes and to admit the plain truth most of it flowed above my head.

A cold wave set in. I gossiped with Budhiballabhji and then retired.

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