Looses his temper again..

Posted By Author on May 3, 2010

22/5/1966:
In the morning Shubir left for Calcutta for his sister’s marriage. Haribandhu went to Guptakashi to bring oranges. I went for bath. Message came that all were to assemble in Baba’s courtyard. Baba left his fast on Mosambi juice. As told we were engaged in weeding, cleaning and gardening work. Gita distributed half Mosambi to each one of us.

We went to riverside to eat. My one slice fell in the river and I felt the loss on empty stomach. We again assembled in the courtyard. Gita was busy elsewhere. Baba went to his kitchen. Kolyani, Dipali and Mashima were already in the kitchen. Baba asked them that in spite of three ladies why the cooking was going on so slow. One lady would bring potatoes, another beans, third oil. Baba was cooking himself. All things were not brought and Baba lost his temper. Some spices were not still there. Awful wrath.

His chair was brought in the yard. Then he turned to me and said “Suresh for last three years I am telling these people to let me do my own things. They do not listen. They do not have strong desire or sense or capacity to do fast and meticulous work. I am too much troubled.”  He would get upset on all, get up and enter the kitchen and scold ladies. He would come and stand for sometime, sit and again get up. He was very restless. When he would come we used to get up then sit again. This happened three to four times and he was letting his steam off.

He told us that he would not take food. He told Ramanidada to have lunch. He refused. Then I too refused. He suggested that we would go to forest. Gita, Ramanidada and me were ordered to get ready. He collected his usual set of travel kit and sat on his can. I collected couple of clothes, blanket and diary and got ready. Gita and Ramanidada joined. Our march began. He said to me, “Think over. Starvation and death are in store ahead.  If you want to come then you can come. He tied his turban and we climbed quarter hill and all four of us sat for rest. He observed that Gita and Ramanidada had nothing with them. He admonished them and told that they did not intend to go so they should return. Only he and me would go. As usual they thought all of us would return after some time.

Baba again thundered and ordered Gita to fetch blankets. She too was on fast for last three days. However she was taking fruit juice daily. She had wrinkles on forehead and out of disgust she began to descend fast, almost running. I shouted to hold her as she was bound to reach bottom in somersaults.

A little distance below Haridas, Dinbandhu and Haribandhu were already there. They rushed up. Baba went fast and got hold of her arm. She was weeping and trying to free herself. People from grinding mill beyond were bewildered and gazing the episode. I tried to drive them off. Ramanidada went to fetch clothes. I requested Baba to shift in shade. He told Gita to sit as people were looking at. All three of us sat in shade of a tree. It was 11 P.M. and seething Sun was pouring pricking heat, Baba told Ramanidada and me to go ahead. When exhausted Baba would sit for rest, smoke a cigarette and climb again. All four of us reached the motorable road.

Baba decided to go to confluence of Saraswati and Mandakini locally known as ‘Sangam’. We climbed about six hundred feet and covered about three miles. We then descended towards the confluence. On way I collected wild black berries and red berries. I offered them to Ramanidada and Gita. Baba showed a shrub of ‘ Gauriphal’. I collected its berries. It seemed Baba knew lot of details about the Himalayan flora. He then said to me, “In my travel whenever I used to feel not to go for ‘Bhiksha’, for many days these two types of berries were my staple food. We shall see if we can get ‘kand’ (bulb). One such kand is sufficient for a sadhu for eight days. It is one and half feet long. In Tibet side they are dominant and sadhus live on it and milk of wild cows.” I was perplexed and asked him as to how wild cows (yaks) allow to be milked. He said, “No, no. When cow gives milk to calf some falls on bare rock and becomes frozen due to cold. The sadhus collect these solid slices of milk and then boil it and get milk. There is no firewood. Dry dung of wild antelopes is used to lit fire.”

Baba’s mood was fantastically normal. None could have believed that he was the same Baba in full rage a few hours before. I wondered what exertion, anger, mental stress he could suffer at this age with empty stomach of three days. From top I showed them the confluence. It was 4 P.M. Baba felt that the Saraswati was still three miles ahead. Two woodcutters also said the same. However it was decided that we would spend the night on the confluence below.  We descended and Baba chose four patches of sandy strips in the lee of big boulders. He allotted one patch to each of us. I collected more berries and gave to all. Owing to strain my legs were shaking and trembling. We took rest. I collected driftwood for fire. Baba went to bath and we too meditated after bath. By then I spotted Dinbandhu and I rushed up the hill. Haridas and Shyamlal Pradhan were with him. Rajat had gone to fetch blankets. All of them surreptitiously chased us. They too were without food. I came down, Baba came out from meditation. It was getting cloudy. Therefore Baba and I searched six places of shelter in rock cliff, as it was likely to rain. Guchadusingh, Kishorilal and Karatrsingh of village Bondula were engaged on our camp as labourers since two days. They were on way to home. Baba enquired with them about caves and welfare of their village. They pointed out ruins of a fort of some historic king. It was adjacent to the confluence. They also confirmed that we were on the confluence of the Mandakini and the Saraswati.

I requested Baba to get some flour from them as Gita was without food since three days. After thinking he agreed but asked as to how to pay. I assured I would get it done. Then Baba told them to get some utensils, flour, ghee, potatoes, beans, salt and spices. At 7 P.M. they left. I wanted to accompany them but Baba stopped me as the bridge to their village was in dilapidated condition. Then both of us returned to the bank of the confluence. I lit the fire so that villagers would be able to locate us. Baba went to take rest and returned at 8.30 P.M. and routine discussion began.

I told Baba that our mother taught us never to vent anger on food. We should have had something and then started. He remained silent. I pointed that the mistake committed by ladies was not conscious one. He said,” Yes. I agree but the difficulty is that I expect from them that they should always think of time. I remarked that they have faith and affection but lacked spontaneous urge of working  (see E-176 “Unless we are compelled or whacked from above we do not do our dittoes, for we have no spontaneous urge for it.”). What he instructed them they always do it. Baba expressed, “ Yes but it is my folly that I expect this spontaneous urge from them. I have been a fool to expect it. For that they are not to be blamed but I myself.” I did not go deep but thought to myself that his precarious condition was like a majestic wild tiger bereft of teeth and claws amidst thick-sculled associates. We both began to worry about delay of villagers. Baba doubted that perhaps the local people might have stopped them and not allowed to go towards cremation area. He said we would wait till 9.15 P.M. They did not come and Baba retired for rest. Without informing I began to climb in darkness to go to their village. Luckily I saw torch and they returned. Then Baba told me to help Gita in cooking and he himself refused to share anything as he said his whole night would be spoiled. I felt bad that after so many efforts he would not eat. Gita prepared roties and boiled vegetables. I took six roties and vegetables for colleagues hidden upward. In one hand torch and in other package of food, thus with all odds and bruises I reached the top. They were not there. I thought I went to wrong spot and hence came down and again climbed difficult terrain. I shouted but there was no response. There was no trace and hence I had to return.  I was sweating and exhausted. Baba was worried by my absence and when Ramanidada told him that I had gone to river, he thought I was on nature’s call. Ramanidada refused to take food. Baba rebuked him and with difficulty he swallowed one roti and left for rest. Gita and I dined to satisfaction knowing not what was in store next day. Near fire we slept in the open area

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