Lucknow & back to camp

Posted By Author on March 17, 2010


Got up at 2.30 A.M. With Shomu and Gobind reached Kund chatti at 5 A.M.  It was dark but moonlight helped.  The bus already left before time.  Another bus from Guptakashi did not stop, as it was full.  I stood in the way of third bus, which was full.  We forcibly entered and sat near engine.  The kerosene oil spilled on my clothes.  We were dropped at Agasti Muni for the fear of checking and fine.  I befriended a constable and told him falsehood that our reserved tickets of the plane would go waste if we did not get seat in the next bus. He knew we were Ashramites.  He helped us. At Rudraprayag we missed 10 A.M. timing and next bus was at 3 P.M.  The Rudraprayag market was flooded by urbanites clad in flamboyant dresses. Females were in trousers and jeans made of denim, jerkins, with cameras, goggles, lipstick, funny haircuts and they seemed as if they were going to see Capt. Kedarnath and Major Badrinath.  At three P.M. we began onward journey.  I had no extra money to go to Dehradun to see Capt. Wadodkar. Luckily Haridas met at Srinagar and in running bus he gave twenty-five rupees.  We reached Deoprayag in late evening. I had severe temperature and I slept in the bus only.  At eleven in the night I sweated and felt normal.

From Deoprayag journey began at 5 A.M. We reached Rishikesh at eight in morning. By taxi we reached Dehradun at 9 A.M. and occupied a room in Jain Dharmshala (also Dharmshala). By bus I went to the cantonment and Ram Wadodkar’s military quarter.  He had gone to Mahu. His J.C.O.s Shankhachakram and Subbarao received me.  I returned to city and made reservation in sleeper’s couch for Gobind and a seat for me. Of course, all this was done with bribe. In the evening we boarded Howrah Mail. Rs. four were left in my pocket Rs.eighteen with Gobind.


Reached Lucknow at 8 A.M. and Gobind went ahead to Calcutta.  By bus reached Chaupatias and with difficulty found out Ramkrishnaji’s house. He along with Radhakantji was present there.  Radhakantji was in a depressed mood and was unwilling to see Baba.  I told message of Rs. 5000/- and gave final code word as ‘Baba has given his final direction’.  Then by his jeep went to Ramprasadji of Kanpur.  His niece’s marriage was fixed and hence he was with his sister’s husband Mr. Tandon.  Ramprasadji was in difficulty.  He sold ornaments and spent money for our destination at post Okhimath.  Then marketing was done.  Fruits, vegetables, lemons, blankets and dhotis for Baba were purchased at Mehebubganj near Ambarganj post office.  I typed the letter of complaint addressed to the Home Minister, signed it and handed over to Ramkrishnaji.  Jitendra gave a lift to the station and Radhakantji came to see me off.  Accidentally Shubir met near the booking window.  He was coming from the Ashram and was worried about onward journey as he had Rs.six left in his pocket.  I reserved two berths and began journey. In our compartment there were lot of Bengalis on way to Badrinath.

At  8.30 A.M. got down at Haridwar.  At Rishikesh I managed bus to travel up to Rudraprayag.  By evening we were in Rudraprayag. There was no place for stay as the rich car owner tourists occupied all.  The family of one Mr. Sathe from Railway Department hailing from Matunga, Bombay met.  They were also refugees like us.  I took them to a terrace and we all slept there.  At twelve in the night thunderstorm struck and heavy rains poured.  Sathes left and sheltered standing under eaves of a hotel.  We made a tent of our blankets but were drenched completely.  Then we shifted in a verandah of a stall.


At 5 A.M. caught a bus for Kund chatti and reached at 7.30 A.M. Left heavy luggage at kiosk on the bus stop and reached the camp.  Baba was standing there.  He called me and I narrated events.  Ramprasad’s son Gopal and Babaji Tandon had come.  After my telling them they agreed to shell off money.  Then he took Ramanidada and me aside and after discussion resolved that he would proceed to Kedarnath that day only.  Then he fired Ratan for not giving money to Haridas for return journey and that he was stuck up at Haridwar.

It was raining and chilly so I took wash and changed clothes as I could not summon courage to take cold bath.  Baba sent a message and I was beckoned in his hut.  I rushed in and was aghast to see perplexing and tragic scene.  Fire was lit to serve as hearth in very chilly environment.  Gita was in paroxysm and  unconscious lying on floor with her head on Baba’s lap.  Ratan was in a bent position with his head touching Gita’s feet.  He was shaking and Ramanidada held him tight.  The moment I entered, Baba made me sit near him and in sophisticated whisper said,  “ Suresh, the Mother has taken her violent form.  She can be good as well as violent too.”  A tinge of fear was on his countenance.  My brain was spinning and everything was Greek and Latin to me.  I began to clutch Ratan’s arm but Ramanidada restrained me.  Baba ordered,” Let him hold.”  Then Baba recited prayer of Goddess Kali line by line and Ramani dada repeated it.  We too joined in mild tone.  Haribandhu, Rajat and Dinbandhu were sitting aside like drowned mice.  After prayer Baba lit his cigarette.  To take it from the pocket he told Gita to lift her head and she did so.  Again prayer was sung.  This time it was effective and Gita and Ratan got up to sitting posture.  Baba then held Gita’s palm and kept it on Ratan’s forehead.  The same process was performed on me too.  It was a queer experience for me.  Then Baba gave toe of his right leg in the right hand of Gita and at the same time he held her hand firmly with left hand and rubbed his finger on top of Gita’s head. I knew not whether it was all true or false.  I was told to move my palm on Ratan’s face.  Baba then told that no cooking would be done in our kitchen and that all of us should dine in his kitchen.  We had delicious meal there and after that discussion began in normal fashion as if nothing happened.  Baba informed me that physician of Okhimath, who often visited our camp, died of heart attack yesterday.  I was shocked, as I knew him well. It was raining and Baba gave following dictation in his hut.
“Minimum conditions that you have to fulfill for spiritual work are as follows:

1. You have not to indulge in speaking deliberate falsehood to me.  You have not to indulge in deliberate false behavior in front of me. Glossary. If you attempt not to speak falsehood with me and not to behave falsely with me does not serve as the first stepping-stone for general control of the inherent tendency of falsification then this will turn you into a mechanical automaton and spoil the purpose for which this dictum is placed before you.  So far as impulsive falsehood is concerned it is of course beyond your control, as it will work even before you have the slightest conscientiousness about it.  So when without your being conscious an impulsive falsehood comes out of your mouth.  In front of me you have to and you must admit about this impulsive falsification as soon as you become conscious about it if, of course, you become conscious at all in as much as there are certain types of impulsive falsehood about which it will be simply impossible for you to become aware with your unaided efforts.

2.If a categorical direction is given without giving you any option to apply your own discretion, this direction will have to be worked out in toto both in relation to time and matter.  In some cases if an insurmountable difficulty stands in the way then as soon as you realize that the direction cannot be worked out either in time or in matter or in both you have to intimate these to me.  Some directions may be given in one way or the other.”

After dictation Baba asked me whether I had any doubt.  I said sometimes to work out his order in time or in matter I had to speak lie about plane reservation or give bribe for reservation in train and could that violation be permissible.  He observed, “ As far as possible one must avoid it in preference to physical torture but it should not be penny wise pound foolish. The present day humanity does not allow any one to live honestly but if you are conscientious about the falsehood or bribe and feel for humanity at that time then it is allowed.  India will require at least thirty years to improve the whole lot and fifty years for real independence mentally.  In thirty years she will not be physically dependent on others.  Now the time for work left with me is fourteen years (What an exact and astounding prophecy!) out of which the incident of Ratan and spoiling of my sadhana on that day has spoiled at least five years’ work.”  He told a story of Swami Vivekananda about bribe.  Swamiji was in Haridwar and his choicest disciple reserved a berth in railway by offering Rs. twenty-five as bribe because Swamiji was not feeling well and wanted to go immediately.  There was no sin in doing that but the fault was of humanity.

As mentioned earlier, Gita and Shanti’s mother served us in front of Baba’s kitchen.  Five vegetables were cooked and after meals fruits were offered.  I left for rest.  It was very cold and hence I put on pant and coat on existing clothes to keep myself warm. I was summoned in. I rushed to him and he had an eagle’s eye. He asked me whether pant and coat were washed.  I admitted that they were not.  He mildly told to change over. I came out and removed the extra outer garment and was back in a minute.  Others were there and Baba signaled me to sit near him. He told others that there I would be in charge of balance of Rs.1900/-.  We were told to pull on twenty-five days without causing him any nuisance.  He ordered me to prepare an austere budget.  Considering the then prevailing prices he would calculate needs and give figures.  His mood turned jubilant during our mini budget session.  After discussion of an hour and half we scattered.  However, soon I was summoned.  A new a cow was purchased as old ones were gifted.  Baba suggested to gift third one also as he feared an attack by carnivores. He showed an inclination towards onset of fury.  He reminded that ten times he advised to construct shed near or rather adjoining to our hut so that carnivores would fear human smell.  None listened. He warned that before long we would be burdened with greatest sin of killing a cow.  Haribandhu and Dinbandhu calmed down him.  I was in pensive mood and Baba was vigilant. He probably realized that I was contemplating as to why often he lost his temper on flimsy issues. He dictated a note:

“Sometimes mind gets disturbed due to understandable reasons, sometimes without any such type of reason.  Even with very trifling things sometimes it gets very violently disturbed.  What is at the root of such disturbances is not very easy to find out.  In relation to such disturbances one rule you have to observe.  When you feel that your inner being is disturbed, try in retrospection as quietly and as deeply as you can and then note down whatever you observe happening in your mental life. If you feel inclined — you may note generally speaking it will be helpful — and when you meet me next, to have discussion with me about what you have noted down provided, of course, I am not preoccupied with some inner work during that period and that phase always be careful not to place any such thing before me for discussion”
“Sometimes you will perceive in me a boyish creature but this is only one type of mood.  When I am preoccupied with some serious type of work, always remain careful otherwise even the slightest carelessness may evoke rebuke for you.” (Netaji used this term boyish in his autobiography,” I had said then as an expression of boyish emotion.” (N-158). The term is important as he used it in his confession that he was Subhash Bose.)

It meant that when he was preoccupied slightest mistake on part of Ratan resulted in an orgy of wrath and resentment.

Baba said if Radhakant came turn him down otherwise he would be disturbed greatly. He said that idiot would not accept and admit his guilt. He was afraid inwardly. He knew him for fifteen years. He observed that he had very good qualities but unless severely punished he would not give up his bad habit.  He would be ruined. He was not giving up his habit of lying.  He dictated a note:


“If Shri Radhakant comes here, first ask him whether he has realized the enormous crime he has committed.  Then without waiting for his reply tell him it is the order of Baba that he should at once get out from here if he has not realized the crime that he has committed, is genuinely repentant for it and is whole heartedly, not with inner grumbling, ready to receive the punishment.” Then laughingly predicted that either he would growl or go to jungle and sleep there waiting for others to persuade him.  He would never accept mistake except before Baba or Ramanidada, he surmised.

It was afternoon. All of us were made to sit in Baba’s hut and were to close eyes and perform collective meditation. Baba also closed his eyes but his cigarette was burning and took occasional puff.  Afterwards we retired.

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