My Blogging Resumed..

Posted By Author on August 10, 2011

I apologize to all my readers for the gap in my blogs for last few weeks.  Due to some unavoidable circumstances I had taken a break.

16/11/1967:

I got up late and leisurely finished bath and went inside.  All had already congregated near Baba.  It seemed his stormy anger diminished.  He took me outside and talked briefly in melancholy mood. I then proceeded towards Gita’s residence.  Floramasi requested me to convince Gita to beg an apology to Baba.  I refused.  All of us entered her hut.  Floramasi requested her to apologise.  She persuaded her but Gita did not budge an inch.  She left. I was alone with Gita.  In her lame Hindi she said that she knew for what I came to her.  I told her that she was absolutely wrong in her prediction.  She then opened her woes and told that these people saw their own interest but they did never realize what suffering her family was undergoing.  She was absolutely right. She then opened her heart and disclosed some personal matter. I warned her to be firm in resolve and not to budge an inch and not leave mother at any cost. She promised to adhere to my advice. It was highly confidential and I would never reveal it.

Hirada is residing at 194 Rajpura Road, Dehradun since Baba’s death. Last I met him in 2003.

At 10.30 A.M. engineer Ramkrishnaji arrived from Lucknow but Gobind and Haribandhu did not turn up from Siliguri.  I took Ramkrishnaji to Baba.  He was worried about Gobind and Haribandhu.  I assured him that the letter given to them through taxi driver must have reached them late and by that time they must have had embarked on the search mission.  They would definitely return before nightfall. After some chat he told me to usher in Ramakrishnaji. I escorted him.  Baba rebuked him for getting entangled in the net of silly Banarasidas Gaud.  He then enquired about his suspension from the service and as to at what stage was his writ petition, etc.  Some discussion followed.  After that he told me to accompany Ramkrishnaji and arrange his lunch and that I too should join him for food.  Ramanidada made a sign telling me not to take food unless Baba accepted.  I told Baba that I would not take food unless he took something. He made a mischievous gesticulation and told me to call Gita.  I brought her. Baba told her to start cooking and told me to take lunch in his kitchen.  Then in our presence he took fruits, which Ramkrishnaji offered.

I took Ramakrishnaji to Guest House and arranged his lunch.  Had a chat with him.  Then I took some rice at Shantididi and went for rest.  At 1 P.M. I was invited in for lunch in the inner kitchen. Mr. Dijen, Nitinbabu, and Nunibabu, businessman of Assam arrived by a private bus from Guwahati.  I informed Baba about the arrival of guests. He went to take rest but before that he gave me instructions to tell taxi driver about the timing and dates when he should be ready at the Ashram. I left him thinking that there was no money but the plans were lofty.  A cow was sold for hundred rupees to meet the ration for evening meals of the guests.  I took rest.

In the evening Ramkrishnaji was called in and had a discussion with Baba.  He was separately taken for further discussion in seclusion.  I took dinner inside and went to bed.

17/11/1967.

Got up early and finished chore. After bath, took Chinu and played with her.  She is a lovely sharp tiny tot with chubby cheeks.  Baba came out and saw us playing. He came near us and took me with him in his innermost residential hut.

Baba said to me that he was going to put some questions to me and that I should write answers there only.  This marathon race continued for two hours. This question and answer method is typical of Upanishadas and Plato.

Baba’s question, “Do you realize that adequate urge for unfolding the hidden potential strength and knowledge and power is not forthcoming in spite of a sort of wishful urge for the same?”

My answer, “Adequate urge is definitely not there.  I realize it and yet it is difficult to give up laziness which is innate one and also prevails due to physical strain.”

Baba’s comment, “It is true that there is some urge for what is stated above but the urge is not sufficiently strong to put yourself into real action.  Physical difficulty is quite a different thing.  With a real urge operating sufficiently, all physical difficulties are bound to disappear progressively.  So at this stage you need not dwell much upon physical difficulties and in spite of its otherwise grave character, it is always wise not merely theoretically but practically true to subjectively regard these difficulties as trivial and in this respect the more subjectively strong you are, the more easily you will overcome these.  Then leaving these physical difficulties aside, let us come to the next problem.

When in spite of some sort of urge you feel that the same is not adequate, do you at the same time feel with available sincerity that the adequacy of the urge must be developed. Before giving answer to it note it clearly that all successful actions depend upon a sincere urge adequately developed.  With it the first round of battle is won.”

My answer:  “Yes! I do feel that I am lacking in developing sufficient urge.  But as long as there is not some definite work before me, it becomes difficult to accelerate the urge.”

Baba criticized, “Now here the concept of a clear objective work is subjectively full of confusion.  It means that your urge is not for unfolding the potential strength, knowledge and power but doing so with a worldly objective view.  Herein lies the first hurdle.  It means you want the Supreme Strength, knowledge and power for its application in the worldly way.  From this it follows as a corollary, the urge is dominated by egoistic motive and with that motive even if you succeed by this or that method to unfold some elements of the hidden strength, power and knowledge, it will never be harnessed to a Divine cause and is bound to meet failure in one way or the other resulting in worsening the situation that you try and aspire for improving.  This sort of egoistic urge is nothing short of moving in a vicious circle.  The real way out of this vicious circle is to develop by proper circumspection the innate tendency that you have to pull out the hidden strength, knowledge and power for getting at your subjective culmination and must follow it, not precede it as such a precedence is always showered with self deception.  Unless by continuous self-persuasion with a clear view of the real object of life, you do not bring this fundamental aspect home into yourself, your very urge for doing successful external work will be belied by the fallacy involved in it.  Be clear in your mind, there is nothing speculative in what is stated above. It is the barest truth of the principles of real evolution.  A mincing about it, any unfought resistance about it, is bound to create increasingly more troubles in your march towards progressive evolution, the troubles that by progressive grasping of the real concept might in quick advance retard into nothingness.  Generally speaking people are inclined to regard all such things as a matter of intellectual gymnastic from which have sprung up various schools of philosophy and to that extent, I am afraid, philosophy has done more harm than good to humanity by making it speculative-minded in clear contrast to practical-minded in regard to the Supreme Evolution.  All speculations about spirituality must be bundled up and thrown into ocean and a strong practicality must prevail to getting at what is aspired.  Note theory and speculativeness are millions of miles apart.  A varied theory is indispensable for all real progress and without some postulate even the material science cannot stand but if theory is too much theorizing, it is bound to contaminate into speculativeness, which is the foremost enemy of all growths.  Then the next problem about which you have to think very seriously is that whether you want the knowledge and strength unconditionally or under the condition that it is desired for giving you success in some worldly pursuits.”

My answer, “I feel that strength and knowledge increase simultaneously with real efforts to do better work.  I do not know whether there are compartments such as firstly acquisition of knowledge and then its application for work.  For example if I want knowledge and strength in piloting an aeroplane, I must work with the machine and try to know its mechanism fully well.  Once I increase my strength and knowledge by working with the machine, I can be a master pilot and then thereby serve people in transporting them from one place to another.  Herein if I am doing it to earn more money or name and fame then it will be egoistic motive of gaining knowledge but if I am having real urge that by becoming an ace pilot I can avoid any possible accident or mishap thus save lives of others then I feel it would not be an egoistic attitude.

Now about the main question, I want knowledge and strength with a view to serve people.  If my knowledge and strength are not to be utilized for some or the other cause then I feel I shall be more egoistic and selfish because I shall be trying to keep it with myself and not utilise it for others.”

Baba’s comment, “You miss the main point.  You do not understand the import of what has been stated above.  Rhetoric thinking by way of applying simile is a dangerous habit.  This habit always mistrusts to do things in one dimension by the principles governing another dimension.  Attempt at understanding things by simile belongs to undeveloped thought and undeveloped mind.  For positive approach to anything, application of simile must be avoided as far as possible.  Simile has always the trend to shift the ground from the point of discourse to another.  If acquiring Supreme knowledge, strength and power in any way means cloistering your-self within a limited self, it is no Supreme knowledge, strength and power at all.  In itself such a knowledge, power and strength is all pervasive.  When it is there, it will work in its own persistence nature, sometimes spontaneously, sometimes with a definite will.  In one case it will work for humanity, nay, for the whole creation in a spontaneous but in a less intensified way.  But when a definite will is put to it, the process will be dynamically intensified.  That is the only difference between a supremely realised being without doing any effortful good to humanity and another being of the same caliber doing the same thing with a definite will.  The question of shutting oneself within one’s own shell does not arise at all.  However, at this juncture it will be too deep for you to grasp it.  The main thing that you have to try to understand that urge for getting at knowledge is preceded by urge for doing some service to humanity.  It is always egoistic and with this juxtaposition of things, it is always without an exception.  Ego is a device that is always out to play cunning and it is very difficult to lay it bare without falling a more confirmed victim to it.  Why there is urge for work for work’s sake?  Just take up the thread and if you are not a moral coward and with sufficient courage, you succeed in looking at things as they are.  It will not be impossible to find out that along with a genuine urge for doing good to humanity it always coalesced the egoistic urge for self-satisfaction and it is this latter stupidity that has been the undoing of thousands of marchers towards truth. It works so subtly and so surreptitiously that unless one is divinely ever vigilant, any moment it may take up the better hand off you and will throw you into an impossible morass of progressive ignorance.  Only way out of this possible danger is penetratingly progressive discrimination. ‘Nanya pantaha vidyate ayanaya ’Meaning: There is no other way to go.’ If the heart is not ready to accept this fundamental principle, one will have to learn it through trial and error method involving an enormous amount of time and energy squandered away for nothing.  In a way as the existence of matter is the postulate of the material science so this principle, the Supreme one is the postulate of the self-development.  With this difference, the existence of matter has been taken as a postulate in the former without knowing what matter really is but in case of the latter the postulate is founded but not formulated on the full knowledge of what lies behind the principle.  Then we come to the final specific question.

Broadly speaking there are two specific methods for getting at the Supreme knowledge, strength and power.  One by purely subjective ‘Sadhana’, the other by an amalgam of subjective ‘Sadhana’ and objective ‘Karma’ is predominantly meant for self-purification.  With all your smallness who are you to do real service to humanity?  Unless all smallness completely disappears by dint of real ‘Sadhana’, your so-called aspiration for service to humanity will remain the worst type of exposition of the ego.  Shake off that ego first and it is only then you will be able to understand what the real service to humanity means.  By service to humanity in the stage of ignorance, you really serve yourself.  You cannot say whether such a service done with all genuineness and sincerity is real service or disservice to the person or persons to whom it is rendered.  This vanity must be given up first.”

Baba then quoted an example,” Suppose a beggar has come to your doors that is hungry and has not taken food since eight days.  Suppose you gave him food but you are not definite that your service is good.  You might have done wrong to him.  If you would not have given food he would have started working and earning etc.”

Baba then quoted Ramkrishna Deo Parmahansa. “ Once in his engrossed meditational stage he stood up and started spitting on all the four sides and uttered in Hindi meaning bloody bastard takes name of God and talks of serving the world.  Who are you to serve?”

Baba observed,” One has to expand ego to serve the humanity.  An expanded ego and in material plane it is Supreme ego.”  Baba lastly cautioned me in Hindi. It meant  ‘”Suresh, you have to administer and look after one complete Secretariate. You must work hard and be prepared.

As per plan all states were to be dissolved and abolished. India was to be divided into five zones the boundaries of which would radiate from the capital Amarkantak and each zone would be administered by one secretariat.

The Businessmen of Assam Nunibabu, Nitinbabu, and Dijenbabu had arrived yesterday.  Baba asked my opinion whether money should be demanded from them.  I expressed my reluctance and he said that he too felt the same.  Then he said, “ Let us see.  At night I shall decide about your departure.  If I do not accept money you will have to stay.  We shall start work in the first week of December or in the third week.  What can I do? Your amount of rupees two crores is already deposited in the Divine Bank. The moment, I feel I can get it. But, the Mother is delaying.”   This he talked in Hindi.

Ramkrishnaji arrived.  He was given a note by Baba. In the mean time advocate Ramen Roy and Barrister A.K.Das of Calcutta arrived by plane to Cooch Behar and reached in the Ashram by taxi. Baba came to know about the arrival of Ramen Roy and A.K. Das. Baba left for bath.  We came out.  Went to Guest House.  Ramenbabu had gone for bath to the river and hence I returned and took meals inside.  Baba left for rest.

At 4 P.M. businessmen of Assam were called in.  Ramen and I strolled along the river and chatted.

Ramenbabu said that only yesterday he called upon elder brother of Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose, Mr. Sureshchandra Bose.  He and other relations felt that the Shaulmari Ashram was humbug and meaningless.  It had nothing to do with Subhash. Then he questioned me,” Are you in illusion?”  I answered,” They are ignoramus duds. Have they ever seen him?  Then how can they opine?”  Anyway by that time message came that I was wanted inside.  The guests of Assam were sitting there.  Baba talked with me on politics in their presence.  The guests began to leave.  Baba did not utter a word for money.  However Baba told them to stay for the day and delay their departure.  Then Ramen and A.K. Das joined us.  The discussion regarding litigations was going on and hence I came out.

I went to Gita and had a gossip with her.  Took snaps of Chinu and Gita.  She informed me that Nitinbabu of Assam promised to pay rupees twenty thousand.  He paid two thousand immediately and the rest of amount was to be sent with Nityababu who would accompany them.

Gobind and Haribandhu arrived in the morning from their flopped search mission.  Haribandhu had walked down upto Naxalbari and Gobind treaded twenty-two miles to and fro to Kurseong.  We had a free chat.

At night Gobind, Dinbandhu, Haribandhu and I were summoned by Baba.  He informed us about receiving money. Gobind got permission to leave tomorrow.  At the same time he told to bargain one generator set run on petrol and two fans at Calcutta.  He said for his meditation it was absolutely indispensable.  He needed rhythmic sound of fan or gurgling sound of river to concentrate in meditation.  Then gossip followed and he told me to be ready in the second week of December and that on intimation I should reach within a day by plane via Bagdogra.  I promised him that I would be right there on seven days’ casual leave but this time if money was sure to come then alone I might be called.  He said that after receiving the money in hand, call would go to me. Etc.  We then came out.

At Dinbandhu’s home I took dinner of fish and eggs.  The atmosphere there was homely and loving.  Since our cots and hut were given to guests Gobind and I slept at Rajat’s house.

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