Return to camp without Baba

Posted By Author on December 30, 2010

11/2/1967:

Though awake since long I came out after the Sunrise at 7.30 A.M. I replenished the stock of logs near Baba’s fire.  I cautioned him that giant rats were profuse.  He immediately collected his belongings from the adjacent open room and kept near him.  I was made to sit in front of him.  Then he opined, “Suresh, political power through students or military uprising would be a bad precedent.” Discussion followed. Then Baba told me to remind him after reaching the camp that Ramanidada be informed to clear loan of people from Guptakashi and wash bill of milkman as soon as Rajat would arrive from the Ashram. He directed me to institute a case against authorities of Press Trust of India (PTI) and write a letter to Shantiswarup Saxena requesting him to be witness etc. Baba was unable to digest criticism. It always invoked litigations as if Baba was addicted to it. He then told us to return.  Everything was packed and along with Shomu and Inder we were seated before him.  He told us, “It is not certain when I would return.  I shall go somewhere in the upper parts.  When body recoups to normalcy I shall return.”  I earnestly requested him to pick up Bachiram for attendance on his return journey. He promised.  We bade ‘Pronam’.  Shomu was weeping uncontrollably. Atmosphere was tense.  We left him alone and began our return journey at 9.30 A.M.

Comment: I was contemplating about the state of affairs. Baba was very sensitive and emotional. He would not lie and hide Chinu’s birth that was outcome of either outburst of suppressed sex or result of ‘Shakta Sadhana’ in which virgin is used as medium.

In youth Subhash was influenced by philosophy of Vivekananda and wanted to emulate him. In Bengal either due to influence of Vivekananda or revolutionaries and political activity many youth courted bachelorhood. First six Chief Ministers of Bengal were bachelors. In youth Subhash became misogynist. In London he warned friend who were chasing girls ‘not to play with fire.’ Yet girls were after him. One of them forcibly kissed him and he was shocked and confounded. In later life he denied that he had vowed to remain bachelor. Rabindranath Tagore had a love affair with a Maharashtrian girl when he was twenty-one years old but as he sailed to London that could not materialize. Similar was case of Subhash that is not known to the world. Mr.Homi Mistry, an old Pharsi senior journalist in Blitz Office of Bombay informed me through Mr.Naik that his sister was in charge of Blitz bureau of Calcutta. She and Subhash fell in love and were to marry but because of his hectic life it could not be solemnized. Japanese commended Netaji’s clean image. In Gyansu a daughter ‘Kumi’ of a noble man was offered to him but he politely refused. Veena Sahasrabudhe chased him and he politely told her to devote for nation. Later she died in Karachi as a human bomb. Till the establishment of Ashram his life was clear of women. Radhakant and Krishnakant are witnesses. Netaji in his autobiography has described his sexual urge and that he was not successful to subjugate or transcend it. To talk about sex life is taboo to all and sundry. However, Netaji, Gandhiji, and Burtrand Rusell are exceptions. Rusell had fourth marriage at the age of ninety-two.

Baba was wavering whether to disclose his second relationship or not. Did guilt feeling consciously trouble him?  Another problem was that Gita was forty-four years younger to him and Emilie Schenkl was alive with daughter Anita born in November 1942. Like Gita, Emilie was also short in stature. She was born on 26th Dec.1910 and perished at Ausburg, Germany, on 13th March 1996. However the Hitawada daily of 18th June 2008 mentioned that she died on 12th March 1996 at the small German town of Leitershoten. Some times Baba was bent upon coming out, capture power, repay debts, resettle Ashramites and reform the country. Again he would digress in hesitation worrying whether people would accept his second relationship. Like Netaji Baba used to think over a problem for months together. (Subhash confessed,  “C.R.Das used to call me pessimist. In one respect I am a pessimist indeed, for I always emphasize darker side of things.”) In 1962 he was about to come out. He was playing cat and mouse game with Nehru. He wanted truth through horse’s mouth before public but Satya Gupta, Sushil Bhaumik, Haripad Bose, Uttamchand Malhotra, Hiralal Dixit and Gope Gurbax upset his plan by haranguing to the world that Babaji was Netaji. I feel he would prefer to leave his old image. He was last man to shirk his responsibility as father of Chinu. I decided to watch and wait and gather his thoughts as much as possible. C.R.Das, his political Guru, used to call Netaji ‘Young Old Man’ because of his vast knowledge and early maturity of thinking. I found him ‘Old Young Man’. This was because of his propensity for simple diet, recurrent fasts, long walks, regular exercise, and meticulous mysophobia.

We walked briskly and covered four miles to reach Gaurikund at 11 A.M.  My riding shoes were troublesome.  I removed them and started treading fast on bare feet.  We surpassed Gaurikund and reached Sitapur at 12.30 P.M. We took meals for a rupee and quarter per head.  At 1.30 P.M. resumed the journey.  Put on shoes again.

Yes. Forgot to mention.  Before reaching Gaurikund we met the contractor Mr. Bolasingh, P.O. and village Gaunapatti Gongad, Dist.Tehri, U.P.  He was a thorough gentleman.  On my request he gave a word of honour to render all possible service to Baba and I told him either to give his assistants or accompany himself when Baba would be on return journey.  He kept the word of honor.

After leaving Sitapur I examined the place where Ghost Lights danced.  The persons with lantern were on opposite side of the U turn on the tributary river.  Fortunately we did not catch glimpse of the broken road between the motor road and our footpath.  That averted another danger and confusion.  We crossed Rampur and I examined another spot where we witnessed the ghostly lights on the mountain.  Burnt grass was seen.  The conundrum was solved.  The doubt was cleared.  We again resumed brisk walk.

We arrived near village Sirsi. At a long distance three persons started waving at us.  When they came they were Gobind, Saxena and Ramprasad (son of Shyamlal Pradhan of Chunni).  We met and took rest at Bachiram’s hut.  Ramanidada sent them predicting that my sprained knee might have become worst.  Then all of us returned.  We reached Fata at 5.30 P.M.  We took a short cut.  On way met Bachan Singh owner of hotel.  He charged us that we were stealing the kandi and that it was shameful for Ashram.  His friend derided that loan taken was not returned in time as promised.  Altercation followed and brawl would have almost ended in blows.  We threatened them to see them at proper time.  Lost half an hour.  It was late evening and darkness was due soon.  We had to walk very fast.  I removed shoes again and gave kandi to Gobind.  We reached Biyom chatti.  Took five minutes’ rest.  After covering descent, ascent began.  Darkness set in.  Crossed Narayan chatti, Masta chatti and had a brief halt at Nala chatti where the rest enjoyed tea.  We then came down the mountain.  The knee was giving shooting pain.  Every step was a throbbing torture.  Legs were trembling.  Bare feet were bleeding due to stumbling on rock, talus, scree and thorns.  We crossed Vidyapith and reached the camp.  Fire was lit in the open and I slumped near it.  It was 10 P.M.  We covered twenty-six miles in twelve hours.  It was my first and probably last marathon walk in life. Total to and fro journey was fifty-two miles.

Ramanidada, Radhakant, Dipali, and all others swarmed around me and were inquisitive about our expedition.  I had dinner and knew not when I slept.

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