Wadotkar leaves

Posted By Author on January 20, 2011

12/4/1967:

Finished routine. At 10.15 A.M. Baba called me and gave the following note:

“To a great extent man speaks from the subconscious and the unconscious.  He does not know from where the major parts of what he speaks emanate.  For all inner development unless by continuous analysis and introspection you strive hard to get at the source, the prospect of your progress will remain bleak.  More often than not it seems that one is speaking innocent but if you dive into the depth you will find out that the unconscious or the subconscious motivation is not so innocent as it is proposed.  The difficulty here is that the darker elements in the subconscious and the unconscious are always trying to express themselves but the guard at the preconscious that is what is known, as your conscious does not allow those elements to appear in the conscious in their original forms.  If the conscious is powerful and sufficiently discerning, those elements from the fringe of preconscience will be repulsed back into their own abode.  If the forces of conscience are sufficiently powerful then these will start eliminating those elements from their natural habitat that is the subconscious and the unconscious but if the guard is not adequately strong, nay, rather weak and a bit languid about the vigil which is its function the elements from the subconscious and unconscious will be their own trick and assume a form acceptable to the guard quite deceptively and emerge in the conscious in that acceptable form and gullible conscious will not suspect that the

acceptable form is a masquerade.  Again if the guard is on the vigil but not sufficiently strong then sort of compromise between it and those elements will be brought about.  In either case the emergence of the distorting elements is the sure result. If by vigilant and continuous introspection and retrospection you cannot uncover the simulated appearance, the sordid play will go on eternally turning you into slave to its design.”

Baba then gave note for Prabhakar:

“On the basis of what is described above about the very intricate ways of the functioning of the subconscious and the unconscious, you try to find out whether last night you spoke something from the subconscious, something apparently innocent but in the depth not so innocent as it looks.”

After sometime Prabhakar joined.  I gave him the note to read.  Baba told him to think over the note and give reply in the afternoon.  We had a chat on other topics.  We went inside.  In honour of Prabhakar’s departure Baba told to prepare sweets.  We had sumptuous lunch followed by sound siesta.

In the evening Baba came out and took me around showing newly planted roses.  He would tell name of each plant.  Prabhakar joined and we sat for discussion.  Baba asked him about his mistake and Prabhakar said that he told him that he read Aurobindo’s Life Divine and it was out of ego. Baba laughed.  He told him he was absolutely right.  On politics we talked and he remarked, “ My blood boils to see present day selfish politicians. Out of these some youngsters might be useful to us.” He mentioned N.G.Gore’s name.  After discussion for two hours Prabhakar paid his last obeisance.

We had special excellent dinner in honour of Dr. Prabhakar Wadodkar.  Then we had chat and singing in Baba’s courtyard.  Retired.

13/4/1967:

In the wee hours Ramanidada came and awoke us.   Gobind and I saw off Prabhakar at Kund chatti.  I gave hundred rupees to him for expenses during journey. We returned via Tal Chunni. Today was third lunar day and message came that all of us would have meals inside.  We were elated.  I sorted out pebbles from rice.  Baba came and sat near me.  My feet were burning probably due to upset liver.  Without much talk he went inside. I snatched a nap.  Baba came out at midday. He was in upset mood because while cooking when he demanded cucumber seeds he was informed that they were exhausted. Infuriated, he chastised them.  He finished his meals and took me inside his barricade.  He handed over Chinu to me and showed the garden developed by him at the rear side of his hut.  We sat there lonely talking.  After a while he made all of us sit in the front courtyard.  We were served curd with sugar, payash, fried vegetables rice and fruits.  We then came out for rest.

In the noon Baba came out. Gita, Lala and I were gossiping and without disturbing us he was observing garden.  I left to relieve our cow stuck up between two boulders.  Baba found that soil around sown seeds of cucumber was dry and he got so much enraged that he threw off seed from the soil and destroyed the beds.  Then Lala explained that it was watered. The remaining beds were saved.  However, he continued to reprimand them for two hours.  As usual after his indignation, resentment, and chastisement he removed all stock of food from his kitchen barring wheat flour and salt and left for bath and rest. Baba again came out.  In our hut nobody took his exasperation seriously as they were accustomed and immune to it.  Some were joking.  It was evening and Baba called Shomu, Gobind and Lala.  Again he showered his anger and admonished them.  I remained out loitering.  For two hours it went on and intermittently Lala and Shomu contradicted him, which infuriated him more.  Saxena did not arrive from Guptakashi and he called me and informed to wait for half an hour or else go in search of him. Fortunately he arrived.  Baba did not dine as a protest.  I took food and retired.  But before it I could appreciate and realize Baba’s plight and irritation as a lover of gardening.  At home I get angry whenever plants die for want of water in my absence.  I have separate garden of four acres and I procured plants from Holland, U.S.A., Banaras, Saharanpur, Delhi, Calcutta, Dehradun, Bangalore, Pune, Bombay and Calcutta.  When sapling dies of negligence I lose balance. Recently I was very angry with my gardener for killing edible bulbs (suran or yam) from Kerala for want of watering. (Netaji collected roses from Dhaka, Kalimpong and other places. Whenever on lecture tour it was his hobby to collect different roses. He planted them in pots and kept on terrace. They died for want of water and Netaji was furious on gardener. In house at Cuttack he used to be busy in his garden. He would write letters to mother informing what seeds he purchased and what vegetable beds were prepared.)

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